As my eyes widen, mouth ajar, I sat there frozen in an icicle of terror. Hasty horns blaring in my direction, profanity promenading the airways, and my brother barking orders directly in my ear. But no matter the volume of sound or commotion that surrounds me, I can’t seem to react.

EARLIER…

It had to have been more than 5 months since my last experience behind the wheel. Memories of almost crashing my brother’s car resurfaced like a corpse refusing to sink to the bottom of a river.

I vividly relived the terrifying episode in my mind: (Yes, we’re entering another flashback within this flashback – sorta like a filler episode from Naruto. ^_^ )

As my eyes widen, mouth ajar, I sat there frozen in an icicle of terror. Hasty horns blaring in my direction, profanity promenading the airways, and my brother barking orders directly in my ear. But no matter the volume of sound or commotion that surrounds me, I can’t seem to react.

I am still. Motionless.

Purghaps (Purgatory maybe) I’m too caught up noticing my own mortality for the first time in years. But is this involuntarily window of stillness, this  sense of admittance, really just a means of admiration?

Could I possibly, just slightly be romanticizing how it all could come to a tragically picturesque end? If so, why?

Or maybe I’m just overthinking things and this was all a natural reaction to fear. I mean, people panic all the time right?

Luckily, my brother was swift to motion and saw it best to swap places with me and rescue both of us (and his car) from any possible damage. In the same token, I was able to leave the depth-defying innards of my mind,  re-enter reality, and regain motion of my body.

Switching places understandingly, I plop down in the leather-interior seat and watched observantly as my brother saved the day by properly draping his wrist over the steering wheel. (HA! 400 Lux reference.)

His face hinted of disappointment and annoyance. And I couldn’t blame him for it. I completely blew it this go-round. But the grimace only lasted for a moment. He instantly returns my concerned stare with a grin and utters, “Don’t worry B, I’ll teach you.”

I let out a sigh of relief, amidst the dark cloud of self-disappointment now looming over my head.

Who knew reversing for the first time would be so hard?

Soon covering a portion of the front yard, a little silver car pulls up in a sloth-like manner. I’m then kindly greeted by the driving instructor and the student behind the wheel.

“Have you ever driven before Terran?” , her voice was radiant and caring. 

Without so much as a moment’s glance, I answer with the affirmative. The next thing I know, I’m taking the driver’s seat as the previous student relocates in the back.

As I closed the door and fastened my seat belt, I had a moment of reflection. I was about to venture back into the void of self-doubt, reliving the reversing incident with my brother all over again. But I found the strength to convince myself otherwise.

Besides, that was months ago. Today would be a completely different story. I was no longer going to be a prisoner to my past. The sun shined with promise and intent. And I was about to soak up every ounce of its cosmic deliciousness. “Look out world, here I come!”

“Okay, now put the car in drive and pull down the emergency break. Keeping your foot on the brake, look over your shoulder, signal right, and once you’re clear, ease onto the road” , my driving instructor said calmly, quickly catapulting me out my mental pep-talk segment.

Absorbing all the information as best as I can, I return her words with a mindful stare.

“C’mon, let’s go…” , she sweetly encouraged as I began following the advised algorithm. Maybe things will go smoothly this time around?

I follow her instructions to the tee, with the final step being easing my way onto the road. Now remembering that the gas pedal was just a gas pedal and not a giant cockroach, I press my size twelves lightly on its body.

The car accelerates gradually and expectantly – we were finally on the road. Mission accomplished. 2 minutes down for this lesson, only 58 more to go.

After dropping off the student from yester-hour, I got some more time to re-familiarize myself with the surging pulse of being behind the wheel.

We were now headed toward a more reclusive, residential area. It was almost time to return home but first, we had another student to collect.

As time progressed, my foot seemed to have grown quite fond of the cockroach-like gas pedal. So much so, that I missed the corner to my right. Great.

“It’s okay, we’ll just pull into this empty yard and reverse.”

I pause. In reality, I looked at her understandingly and knowingly. But in my head, I was looking at her incredulously, as if she had just cursed me out.

I eventually fathomed what was being asked of me and decided to give it my best shot. Probably sensing my apprehension, she offered me sound and coherent guidance, “But it in reverse, keep your foot on the brake, lock the wheel, check to see if you’re clear and take your time. Try staying on the left as much as possible. And watch the back of the car.” (Btw, we drive on the left in The Bahamas.)

Once again, I follow her instructions to the tee, only this time my breathing was heavier than before. The road was clear when I first started out. But after looking back I see a car zooming my way in the distant. I felt myself beginning to tense up!

Why wasn’t that asshole stopping? “No, not again! I can’t afford to buckle down in fear now. And you’re definitely too broke to afford damages to anyone’s car. I am in control.” 

And with that self-pep-talk, I reversed smoothly onto the road, shifted into drive, and turned the wheel dominantly, thus straightening the car and my thoughts back to their rightful position. We safely carried on with the remainder of the lesson.

Huh, I think I’m gonna actually enjoy driving. 

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