My Type: 5 Qualities I Look for in a Partner

“Too often we forget that an ideal partner is someone who enhances an already full existence.”

Mariella Frostup

Hey there Insighters! Welcome to another edition of #LifestyleWednesdays. I hope you all are doing as best as humanly possible. I’ve missed you immensely, but rest assured I’ve been taking care of myself and I’m working on some exciting stuff! All will be revealed in divine timing, but for today, we’re talking about partners.

More specifically, what I tend to look for in one (oooooh, spicy). Typically, this isn’t the kind of thing I’d talk about given how private I am about the romantic parts of my life. But I thought this would be a fun post to shake things up a bit. Yinno, a comeback post with some bite!

Now, I’ve recently had to admit to myself that I actually do have a type. After going through a supercut of past relationships, situationships, and wtf-was-that-ships, I’ve identified some personal qualities that thread these experiences together.

And so, without further ado, here are 5 qualities I look for in a partner.

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#1. Great Sense of Humor

I’m the type of person who doesn’t like the idea of taking life too seriously, all the time. Likewise, I’m facetious in nature, so I’m going to laugh at things when life gets inappropriate and wild. And I need a partner who gets that.

Over the years, I’ve realized that my sense of humor is an acquired taste that isn’t for everyone. And that’s fair. Not everyone has taste, lol. As a personal rule of thumb – if I can’t reference random SpongeBob moments with you, then it’s not meant to be.

But for real though, laughter is one of the things that keeps me going in life; it heals me when I’m at my lowest and keeps me from cliff-diving into an abyss of mental ruin. It’s medicine. And the thought of having to sensor my brand of humor for the sake of some plain Jane, dull Johnny, or humdrum… (insert non-binary equivalent here) is a definite NOT.

Basically, if we can’t cackle and a-ki-ki-ki about the absurdities found on this material plane, then give it up Deelishus. It’s never gonna happen.

#2. Creates Art/Gets Art

As a self-proclaimed art whore, this comes as no surprise. However, admitting to myself that I have a predilection for the “artsy” types initially made me sick. Like ugh, cliché much? Anyway, being a creative, I’ve come to realize that it’s easier to form a connection with someone who gets the unsung burdens that come with the title.

The late nights, early mornings, pumping money into your art. The optimism, the pessimism, walking the fine line between reality and illusions of grandeur. The creative blocks, those moments of transcendence where you hear God’s voice echo from the heavens. The unconventional sleeping patterns, overcoming anxiety, rising above non-constructive criticism, and clinging dearly to the hope that one day, you’ll make it big.

My point is, there’s a lot of mental, emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual warfare creatives endure just for the sake of making art. But having a partner who can also identify with these burdens is comforting. Nevertheless, it can get a little messy when either one of you allows ego to get in the way. Several situationships have gone awry because of unwarranted, non-constructive criticisms being perceived as bitterness or envy.

From these instances, I’ve had to learn to toughen my skin with regards to critiques about my work. Then again, when discerning, I’ve learned to trust my intuition more along with the energy being given. And sometimes, you’ve just got to accept the fact that your art isn’t for everyone. Not everyone is gonna find your work “visceral” or whatever, *rolls eyes in Joey Gaskins*.

What’s important though, is that you don’t look for validation from those not qualified to give it. I don’t care how much degrees or accolades you’ve accumulated miss mamas, you will never be glamor or half the writer I am because you simply are not that girl.

Anyways, mini-rant aside, having someone I can dissect shows, music, anime, pop culture, writings, and so forth with is ideal. Let’s get lost in the ether swooning over our favorite artists for hours on end.

Very “What are your thoughts on the new Lana Del Rey album?”

#3. Independently Ambitious Partner

Okay, I know I’m kind of cheating by pairing the terms independent and ambitious together, but I couldn’t choose just one. I consider myself to be rather autonomous and ambitious. I go after what I want to accomplish with an unremitting devotion. And that usually requires a lot of long hours spent alone.

That said, I need someone who’s going to respect my need for space and time to work. Someone who isn’t going to feel neglected if we don’t talk as much each day. Rest assured, I firmly believe in reaching out in some form everyday, no matter how hectic things are. Comprehension of this is just as important as the flow of communication itself. So I’m learning.

Additionally, I desire a partner who’s also brimming with ambition. Mind you, their dreams don’t have to be the wildest either. You don’t have to be trying to launch a rocket on Mars or end world hunger. I just want someone who’s following their heart’s desires and is going after what they want relentlessly. Be passionate, but also put in that work!

#4. Supportive Partner

I cannot stress how important this quality is for me. As I’ve expressed earlier, being a creative is a double-edged sword. So having someone in your corner who keeps it real, provides assistance, and cheers you on along the way is priceless.

I’ve been fortunate enough to know what this genuinely feels like and it’s pretty fucking awesome. And if you’re like me, I know it can be very difficult to lower the pillars and show some vulnerability from time to time. Hell, it can be downright scary to share your progress, your concerns, shed light on your anxieties and fears.

But when you feel that sense of calm after talking with your person, it makes all your worldly troubles momentarily fade to moonlight. And sure, there are close friends and even some relatives who exude levels of emotional support, but it hits different when it comes from that special soul.

Emotional support aside, there’s nothing wrong with some financial support too. I’m just saying, [Insert sugar-parent applications here]. Very c’mon make it rain and fund this art. Lol, I kid. Only halfway though .

But yeah, don’t settle for anyone who isn’t supportive of you – your dreams, your emotions, your well-being, etc. You deserve nothing short of that.

#5. Older Partner

I think I’ve mentioned this to several people irl, but never on the site. So here goes. I cannot STAND people my age, romantically speaking. And dating someone even younger than I, 23, is a big no-no. For starters, I’m an old soul. Thus, my serotonin levels have been depleted from the age of 12.

I’m not one for meaningless small talk, like learning about your favorite color. I want to talk about the good stuff. Tell me what about your passions, your fears, shit you’ve overcame, stuff you’re still working through, your place in society, how you view the world. Your truths, belief system, personal philosophies, historical figures you adore, who you were before your first heartbreak and the person you’ve become as a result.

I don’t wanna hear about the latest Tik-Tok dance or that your favorite color is fucking orange. Though mine is red, thanks for asking. And I’m not saying all post-millennials have a limited conversational range or lack a profound outlook on life from which you can learn something from. Not the case at all.

I’ve just had better luck finding these instances of maturity and moments of conversational transcendence with older folk. And trust and believe, age is not an indicator of maturity at all. No one has it all figured out and not everyone is a great conversationalist.

Plus, feasting on the energy and shattered egos of older mortals keeps me young and supple, lol. And they usually know what they’re doing when it comes to, in the words of PM Minnis, “pumping iron”. LMAO, iykyk. Anyway, I like ’em older. Let’s just leave it at that.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The major takeaways from this post are as follows:

1. As you navigate the dating world and experience life, make notes of what YOU like and don’t like.
2. Manifest and pursue those things in a partner.
3. The “perfect partner” doesn’t exist. We’re all wreathed with imperfection. Who does exist however, is the perfect partner for YOU. They add to your already full existence. Now, finding them is a whole other story.
4. I tend to get dirty for those over thirty. LOL!
5. Find someone who makes you feel invincible, immortal, and indispensable and treat them the same.

And with that, I bring today’s post to a close.

As always, take care of yourselves. Put your health and needs first. And continue to be your best, unapologetic self. Love you Insighters!

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