As if on cue, I felt a disturbance and immediately bent over in recognition of the pain. With arms stiffly crossed, I now clenched the sides of my stomach. A grimace more sour than those guineps sold on Carmichael Road now adorned my face.
EARLIER…
I woke up this morning with intent. Fueled by determination, I vaulted myself out of the clutches of my capsule of comatose, whispered a prayer, and bolted for the bathroom door.
Now trapped in a pensive state, I sat idly on the porcelain throne. I found myself struggling to mentally stay afloat. For my mind was swamped with thoughts of work and how much I needed to catch up on it.
Who knew one, work-free night of sleep could leave you feeling so far behind in college?
Luckily, the blizzard-like feel of the shower was starting to bring me back to shore, so to speak.
And if that weren’t doing the trick fast enough, the sound of my ride’s horn surely did. “HG-HG-HG-HGINGK-HGINGK-HGINGK-HGIIIIINGK!!!“, sounded Mia’s dad’s jeep.
Finishing up, I hauled ass out the shower to get ready. Luckily, I was wise enough to pre-pack my bag and lay my clothes out the night before.
(Yes, pre-packed and pre-ironed. And don’t you dare judge me for it. I was just a freshman at the time and the real nonchalance college students emit hadn’t kicked-in as yet.)
(Hell, I was still wearing my ID around my neck. However, I assure you, after freshman year it was all about throwing anything last minute and praying for my sake that I didn’t forget anything home.)
Aunty C zooms into the hallway with urgency lining her vocals, “POPO!!! Your ride out there!!!” Fumbling around like a fish with legs, I was brushing my teeth, tying shoe-laces, and greasing my scalp all at once.
Despite the squishy paste in my mouth, I managed to relay a very thought-out, coherent message – “Tell them I coming nowwwww!!!!”
Mia and I arrived to school expectantly around 7:30, after being lectured from Father about the importance of time.
We both knew that it was mostly always my fault but, we were always chastised together. I mean, what are best friends for right?
With the library not opening for another half-hour, we thought it best to grab some breakfast to kill the time. Within just a few weeks, my system had already adapted to new ways to gradually kill myself food-wise.
The question was, how did I want to do it this morning? McDonalds? A PopTart from the Xtra Valu food store? Nah, let’s go with Wendy’s instead. That way I’ll know when it’s real.
We went inside and met a fairly empty restaurant. I analyzed the menu and everything looked more or less the same.
It was all bread, egg, cheese, meat. The pancakes were never even an option; they always tasted liked sand to me. Reaching the cashier, I came to a decision. Sorta.
“Good morning. I’ll have a Croissant Melt combo please.
“Sausage, Bacon, or Ham?”, the cashier queried robotically.
My mind was telling me to stick to the program, but I had this strong urge to deviate from the norm.
I soon realized that that my face was probably a replica of a someone in a Math 168 final exam.
Giving me a concerned stare, the cashier calls out to me, “Sir?!”
“Ahhh, sausage please” , I stammered.
Real smooth Brice. Real smooth.
Going our separate ways, Mia went to her 8AM class while I was off to the library. I was going to compile my to-do list and get cracking on work.
My mind was surely resolute as I followed my routine; I cleared security, took the stairs to the top-floor, and found myself a lonely cubicle – everything was perfect.
But only for a modicum of time.
As if on cue, I felt a disturbance and immediately bent over in recognition of the pain. With arms stiffly crossed, I now clenched the sides of my stomach. A grimace more sour than those guineps sold on Carmichael Road now adorned my face.
It was happening! That of which I consumed was tired of being silenced, tired of following the rules of an oppressive, digestive system. With zero remorse, it was seeking its vengeance and taking slaves… TO FREEDOM! [In Nicki Minaj’s voice]
So, to avoid any collateral damage and permanent humiliation, I had to be quick and make it to a stall. I re-packed and speed-walked towards the stairs.
“Which stall would be best?”, I considered as my insides continued to hit me with the ole grumble-rumble combo; At this point, I started to feel light-headed.
Weighing my options, I realized that the bathroom on the 1st floor would be too populated. Damn college punks.
Hence, my only option was a stall in the bathroom near the internet cafe on the ground floor. Let’s just pray I make it there in time before I repaint the library all shades of brown.
I reached the end of the stairs and sharply banked the corner to my safe haven. I opened the door and looked closely for feet surfacing beneath each and every stall – nothing.
The bathroom was completely empty. I would’ve cried in that moment if my stomach wasn’t being such a bitch.
With great liberty and joy, I took to the furthest end of the restroom and made nest in the spacious, handicapped stall (don’t judge me).
And the rest was history. My to-do list had unexpectantly turned into a to-do-do. But, oh well.
Crisis aborted.
Mission accomplished.
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Terran Brice
Sidebar: Popo is the nickname given to me from early-childhood. Not because I had aspirations of becoming a police officer, but because of my skinniness.
cyril morris
Awesome narrative
Terran Brice
Thank you so much. I greatly appreciate the feedback.
peaches Farquharson
😂😂😂😂😂 too funny… Really enjoyed it
Terran Brice
Lol I’m glad you enjoyed it. More great stories to come!
Kyra | lovekyra.co.uk
This was hilarious!! 😂
Terran Brice
Kml, I’m happy you enjoyed it Kyra. Thank you so much for reading and your feedback. It helped brighten my Tuesday. 🙂