This Is Why You’re Still Unhappy In 2019!

“No one should ever ask themselves that: why am I unhappy? The question carries within it the virus that will destroy everything. If we ask that question, it means we want to find out what makes us happy. If what makes us happy is different from what we have now, then we must either change once and for all or stay as we are, feeling even more unhappy.”

 Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

Hey there Insighters, I know it’s been quite some time since our last lifestyle session. Honestly, a lot has been going on; life continues to prove itself busy. Nonetheless, I’m thankful to be back on the scene. More importantly, I’m excited to share my thoughts with you all once again.

Now, today’s #LifestyleWednesday post may come off as a bit of a rant. Also, it may be a little, hard pill to swallow for some of us. But that’s okay. We deserve to be honest with each other, right?

That said, about two weeks ago I found myself in a sunken place. No, it wasn’t as severe as Kanye West’s experience or anything; but I did find myself still pretty deep in the guts of my own mind.

It took me about four days to recover from the extremely nonchalant mood I was in. Everything and everyone around me didn’t matter during these four days. I was numb. Kid you not, I just wanted to disappear from life for a week or two, then try my hand again.

So, habitually resorting to my introversion, I initially opted for isolation. Limiting the amount of time I’d typically spend with family and close friends. Admittedly, I don’t like being around anyone when I’m like this.

I’m simply self-aware enough to know when my mood can affect those around me. Those who are undeserving at that. Hence, I opt for solitude. Confined to my self-constructed prism of darkness, I started mulling over my feelings.

Furthermore, I started questioning why I was in such a rut. What had me so incredibly creased? Suddenly, it hits me. Sucker punched me square in the face.

ITCH!

I was unhappy.

Unhappy with the way my life was currently unfolding before my eyes. Having celebrated my 22nd birthday just last month, I found myself spiraling into a rather reflective state of mind.

I was unhappy with my life. I was not where I wanted to be, nor doing enough to get there. These were the facts. This was my reality. And so, I had myself a little cry, ate some comfort food, and started planning out how I was gonna make things better.

I got to work!

Sure, there comes a time in life when we all feel pangs of severe unhappiness. However, it’s our sole responsibility to allow ourselves to be human, to feel everything we ought to.

Yet we mustn’t stay in limbo forever. We’ve got to make ourselves happier. Indeed Insighters, we have to keep fighting!

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All that said, today we’ll be looking at three reasons why we continually find ourselves unhappy in life. So, take a deep breath, and let’s get real.

1. We’re Unhappy Because We’re Used To Suffering

Oftentimes, we find ourselves accepting the fact that life has superimposed circumstances on us from birth. May it be poverty, abusive parents, or non-nurturing home environments, you’ve somehow conceive these circumstances as truth.

Fair enough. However, in doing so you may sometimes find yourself shrugging in moments unhappiness, going “Well, that’s just the way it is”.

You say this while turning a blind eye to the fact that it honestly doesn’t have to remain the way it is forever.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with those who have had humble beginnings. Those who aged and continue to exist in the toxic wastelands we call our households. I get it. I’ve been there. Hell, I am there.

And you may feel as if, since you’ve endured the storm all these years, what’s a few more days, months, years? Additionally, you may start to feel that this is the hand fate has dealt you and that’s that.

Well newsflash, you weren’t put on this Earth to suffer. That’s some mentally recurrent Jim Crow slavery bullshit! God, the universe, Black Jesus, Buddha, a grilled piece of Johnny Cake from The Shoal Bistro on Nassau Street, whomever or whatever deity you believe in, did not snatch your consciousness from the void, put you in this physical body, on this Earth, just so you can suffer.

So stop! Stop telling yourself that all you deserve is to be unhappy. Stop telling yourself that your shitty upbringing/ current situation has already set the tone for the rest of your life.

Finality is in your hands my dear reader. Always remember that.

Yes, life isn’t fair. In fact, it’s helluva a lot unfair. But at some point, you’re gonna have to take advantage of that irrefutable fact.

2. We Fear Change

In addition to our accustomed sense of suffering, we struggle with the fear of change. Surely, at some point in our life, we feel as if we are committing some egregious act by going against the forces of nature themselves whenever we decide to make a positive change.

Not surprisingly, this unwarranted sense of guilt comes from the fact that we’ve been programmed to think that to go against the status quo is to go against God himself.

Additionally, this kind of thinking becomes reinforced by the opposing forces emitted by situation, by circumstance, and by those around us who may feel threatened by our change.

Truthfully, people who are threatened by your potential will instill the element of fear within you. They’ll make you think thrice before you finally decide to depart from the things that filled your existence with sorrow and pain.

Whether these things be unhealthy habits, non supportive friends, unpleasant settings, or toxic ties to kin.

We fear that by going against the norm, we’ll find ourselves too alone to make it, too hated to be loved, and too weak to fight another day.

So what do we do? We bitch about how life sucks, but then we stay put. We go through the motions. Business as usual. Unknowingly, all we’re really doing is satisfy the egos of our oppressors and wasting our lives, unwisely squandering our potential.

Thus, I’m begging you Insighters.

(Like seriously, I’m literally on my knees typing this sentence out.)

MAKE THE CHANGE NOW! For there should be no greater fear than living an unhappy, unsatisfying, unfulfilled life.

3. We’re Unhappy Because We Doubt Ourselves

In order to make this epic change and place your life onto a brighter path, you need release yourself from the bondage of self-doubt.

At the end of the day people, our life is what we make of it. If we continue to doubt our abilities to take the reigns of our very own lives, then we’re actively choosing defeat. We’re actively choosing to be unhappy.

I often say this to friends, especially when they’re pursuing academics or a new initiative. “In you, lies the innate ability to succeed at anything you set your mind, heart, and actions toward.”

Note, I said actions. Because words will only go so far. If the first move is never made, how do you expect to win? The objective of life to is win, to be happy, to be fulfilled, to strive in purpose.

And life goes on whether you realize this or not. So, if you continually choose to stand still, you will be left behind in the annals of time.

One day you’ll wake up in a pool of resentment, regretting all that time you wasted doubting yourself.

You’ll come to conceive the fact that you were your own worst enemy. Not family, not friends, not poverty, not God, but you. You self-loathing, self-doubting, unhappy being.

GET A GRIP!

Final Thoughts

Well Insighters, we’ve covered good ground today. Probably got some readers in their feels, but oh well. This needed to be said. And that’s on period. (As the young people would say lol.)

All akekeke-ing aside though, I just want to encourage you all to pursue yourselves and your ambitions wholeheartedly.

Become the person you were placed on this Earth to be because history demands it. Plus, you deserve happiness.

I leave you with this quote from author Tom Robbins, from his book ‘Jitterbug Perfume’.

“The unhappy person resents it when you try to cheer him up, because that means he has to stop dwelling on himself and start paying attention to the universe. Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence. When you’re unhappy, you get to pay a lot of attention to yourself. You get to take yourself oh so very seriously.”

Allow that to ruminate with you the next time you find yourself in a funk.

As always, take care of yourselves. Put your health and needs first. And continue to be your best, unapologetic self. Love you guys!

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