Why Millennials Are So Afraid To Love

“I’m so afraid of losing something I love, that I refuse to love anything.”

Jonathan Safran Foer

Not to immediately come off as some whiny punk-bitch or anything, but being a millennial in this day and age is anything but a cake-walk. And maybe I’m just emphasizing this fact because of how deenergized I’m currently feeling.

But, with the sky-high cost of living and tertiary education coupled with the ever-bruising brunt of minimum wage in a sloven economy, you’d think we millennials already have enough on our plates. Well, that’s where you’d be sorely mistaken.

You see, as we 90’s babies continue navigating through this vast hyperspace of uncertainty we call life, we simultaneously have the “pleasure” of unravelling the mysteries of our human emotions. More specifically, love.

And lucky for us, we get to solve this mystery through a series of relationships, situationships, and hook-ups. Some are beautiful, eye-opening, and insightful. Others are stressful, insane, tragic, and seemingly pointless. Nonetheless, they all gradually contribute to either teaching and healing us through pain and lost, or turning us into hardened stones. Stones who are fully incapable of expressing our truest emotions.

And no matter the outcome, we find ourselves feeling a twinge of apprehension toward the construct of love. Which brings us to this post my fellow Insighters. Today, we will be looking at 3 of many reasons why millennials are afraid to love. But before all of that….

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That said, let’s get right to it! 

#1. Millennials Hate Commitment

Typically, we millennials are accustomed to the idea of instantaneity. We expect life and every element we come into contact with to move at our desired pace all the time. When starting a new job, we instinctually have expectations of climbing the corporate ladder within just a few months of employment.

However, life usually doesn’t pan out that way. There’s a lot of hard-work, effort, energy, consistency, sacrifice, and time required to elevate yourself from one level to the next. And because of our innate affinity toward seeing instant results/progress and our gripe with investing a significant amount of time and energy into things, we often struggle romantically.

After only a few days of communicating through social media, we quickly become bored, especially when the foundation of the conversation rests on entirely on “wyd”. Soon enough, we’re craving excitement from the next new thing, (i.e. the next person). Oftentimes, our values in regards to what we’re looking for in love are so fickle and constantly changing with every spontaneous wind that blows by. Or for anybody who blows for that matter.

Admittingly, a lot of us millennials have an issue with wholeheartedly committing ourselves to one thing, to one individual at a time. We live in such a fast-paced world that the act of hitting the pause button to really get to know somebody, and I mean really get to know somebody seems absurd. Ask yourself though, when was the last time you actively and willingly tried to grow a special connection with somebody?

Did you delve past the surface of their looks, body, and persona? Have you learned about what gives their live meaning – their art, their ideals, their cause? Did you remain intent on understanding and accepting them despite seeing their imperfections and insecurities emerge to the foreground, or did you just dump them off because they seemed ‘too complex’ or too ‘difficult’ to do deal with?

Or do you think that committing yourself to others for the sake of love is too huge of a gamble to take with your precious time and energy? And don’t get me wrong, sometimes it truly is, other times it may just be worth it. But it’s safe to say, you’ll never know unless you try.

Remember Insighters, the day you plant the seed will not be the day you eat of the fruit. Furthermore, whether that fruit turns out to be horribly bitter or deliciously sweet depends not only on your level of commitment, but on your level of commitment to the RIGHT person. (Even if that person just so happens to be yourself.)

#2. Unaccustomed To Genuine Love

It’s difficult to know what’s good for you, if you’ve never experienced it before. The same principle applies with love. A significant amount of us millennials, especially in The Bahamas have aged in toxic, non-nurturing, home environments. Hence, we enter the world of love handicapped and without clarity. All because of the barrage of neglect, abuse, and trauma we endured during childhood. (A lot of which we’re still coping and healing from today.)

Indeed, because of the way some of us were raised, we’re unfamiliar with the sweet virtues of warmth, affection, emotional support, and supplication. This is why so many of us do not know how to respond to a love laced with good treatment and good intentions. It’s like pushing a chicken out of a plane and telling it to fly – all we know is scratching at the ground!

Additionally, because we’re so programmed to bad treatment, we may stray from the chance of experiencing genuine love and true happiness whenever the opportunity comes by. And speaking from personal experience, it’s a really shitty defense mechanism that pushes you further away from love and your sense of humanity.

[Although in my case, it’s more so opting for isolation and being alone rather than bad treatment. I don’t condone bad treatment anymore. I’m at that point in life where I’m fresh out of fucks and not taking filth from anyone. But yeah, habitually choosing to be alone over a chance at genuine love is something I actively work toward defeating day-in-and-day-out. And if all else fails, I’ll just marry myself in 10 years.]

Even those of us who are familiar with affection and all the other virtues still do not have complete mastery of them to this day. In fact, I personally believe that they are constructs that require continuous surveillance over how they are used in our daily lives.

It’s not every day you’re going to feel like being emotionally supportive or being affectionate. Let alone know exactly what you want out of love and from who. And it’s okay, nobody has it together all of the time. We’re all allowed to be flawed. We’re all allowed to figure it out for ourselves in our own time. And we’re allowed to be a little human in the process too.

So, as you continue familiarizing yourself with genuine love (love comprised of good treatment and good intentions), remember that it doesn’t matter if you weren’t used to it in the past. You deserve to have it in your present! Always remember that you deserve the best love has to offer and then some. Do not settle for less because your past has no business dictating your present or your future.

#3. Millennials Hate Feeling Vulnerable

One of the bravest things you can do in life is let your guard down. Even if it’s just for a few seconds, it’s still a pretty ballsy move. This is especially the case when it comes to love. Allowing yourself to become completely susceptible to hurt is not something that should be taken lightly.

And if you’re like me (and have a waking paranoia of humankind and deeply-rooted trust issues stemming from familial upbringings and previous friendships, relationships and situationships), then you’d know how especially taxing this can be.

Because no matter how you slice it, it all boils down to trust. And trust can be worth wild if placed into the hands of the right person. In contrast, it can be lethal if given to someone undeserving. And oftentimes our gripe with trusting others and making ourselves emotionally vulnerable stems from the fact that we weren’t taught to express ourselves growing up.

Seems asinine right? However, (generally speaking) if you were raised in a Black-Caribbean household, there’s a high chance that being allowed to be vulnerable was as rare as having a home-cooked meal that didn’t involve rice. But seriously, this kind of foreignness to opening-up follows us into adulthood and makes being loved and loving even more of a tedium.

Just think about it. Someone who tried opening-up to those around him got chastised growing-up. He got criticized because of this bullshit ideal that allowing yourself to be vulnerable through the act of verbally expressing your genuine emotions makes you weak, inferior, psychotic, or the Anti-Christ. It’s a cancerous concept found especially in the Black family-arch. AND IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH! Or in the Bahamian vernacular, “sets my cunny hole ablaze!”

But even so, I encourage you guys to remember that only you have the power to let your guard down. And that you mustn’t become agitated with someone who takes a while longer to let theirs down. That is THEIR responsibility and THEIR choice alone to make. So don’t sweat it. Also, don’t forget that it’s completely healthy to express your emotions; don’t allow the ignorance of others to get in the way of your bliss.

**Final Thoughts**

Undoubtedly, we spoke a lot on why millennials are afraid to love. So, I wanted to close today’s post with some of you guys’ opinions from social media:

Thank you to everyone who provided feedback across the socials, it really means the world to me.

As always, take care of yourselves. Put your health and needs first. And continue to be your best, unapologetic self. Love you guys!

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